by Liz
Fighting fractions by moonlight
Challenging teachers by daylight
Reading Shakespeare at midnight
She is the one named Sailor Pi
She would never forget math operation
Or the rules of heat condensation
3.14 can save any situation
She is the one named Sailor Pi
She is the one
Sailor Pi!
“You don’t even have to spell it, all you have to do is yell it: math sux! Math sux!”
Kenny liked blaring Jimmy Buffet’s music out his 4th-floor window, especially the songs that pertained to his daily activities. When he ate his cheeseburger--a regular staple at the CanTech cafeteria, from which Kenny usually took food back to his room--he played “Cheeseburger in Paradise.” Now, as he stared at a problem about intersecting planes in three dimensions, he called on Jimmy to ease the pain of not arriving at any answer.
“Parametric equations? What? I don’t remember. I don’t get this. Math sucks. I mean, math sux.”
He pressed paused on the stereo and opened a file of e-mails he’d saved since September. One from Mel at UC-Ontario saying how glad she was that she never had to take math again. One from Mark at NYU saying how this was his last semester of quantitative analysis of any kind, thank goodness. And one from Bizzie, saying how math just wasn’t as fulfilling as it once seemed. Kenny hadn’t replied to any of them.
Just then, the “You’ve Got Mail” icon flashed across the screen. The message was marked “urgent.”
Anti-math plague has hit New York and is spreading rapidly up the coast. Elements, Sailors, and Tomorrow People must reunite and defend human intelligence. Meet on Saturday at 3.14 Clio Hall, Tigertown University.
--Jeffy and Arpi
“Anti-math plague? Yeah, right!” Kenny returned to his math problem. “I can do this; I hate it, but I can do it.” Find the line of intersection. So simple. “This is 7th grade stuff.” Just then the door opened. Kenny’s roommate tossed his keys on the adjacent twin bed and made a mad dash to his computer.
“Oh hey Marshall.”
“Yo,” the blonde-haired Detroit native answered, barely looking up.
“Do you know anything about multivariable calculus?”
“One sec, man.” Suddenly Marshall began pounding the keyboard. “I’ve had it with this bad fad of slow modems erodin,’ monitors monitoring my daily activity, my computer, my scooter, and old phone!”
“Uh-huh...”
Marshall Mathers spun around on his chair and adjusted his ski cap.
“You got any of those flux problems?”
“Flux...yes! That’s number 8 on my problem set.”
“My life is in flux, it’s changin,’ explainin’ the rain and the pain--”
“Marshall!”
“Sorry, I’m workin’ on a new rhythm. So let me at the problem.”
Somewhat doubtful of Marshall’s abilities, Kenny showed him number 8:
Compute the outward flux of F=<x/(x^2 + y^2)^2 + y/(x^2 + y^2)^2)> through the circle in the xy plane of radius 2
“All right, man, now the first thing we gotta do is use the formula.”
“Yeah, flux is the integral of F•n ds--”
“Man, do you even know what that means?”
“Sure, F is that equation and n is, you know, the other vector, and ds is the...differential.”
“Man, you don’t even know what you just said!”
“I know.”
“F is the force, man, you gotta feel the force!”
“Okay.”
“And n is the normal, but no one’s normal so you gotta know it’s just <x,y>/radius for any circle.”
“The answer is pi!” Kenny exclaimed suddenly, laughing at a joke that Marshall did not understand.
“It’ll be a multiple of pi, but you don’t even know why!”
“So tell me.”
“So I’m gonna tell the story of a circle with a radius of 2, boohoo, it’s circling with a force of <x/(x^2 + y^2)^2 + y/(x^2 + y^2)^2)>. So we gotta take the dot product of the force with the normal.” Kenny scribbled while Marshall thought about what he might say next.
“So, simplified, F•n = 1/(x^2 + y^2). Don’t we have to get rid of one of the variables or something?”
“No, man, you get rid of BOTH of them! Your circle is x^+y^2 =4, so all you’ve got is 1/4” Kenny’s mouth dropped open.
“That’s brilliant!”
“What can I say, I did a little multivariable in my day. So whenever you see x^ + y^2 you gotta be on the lookout for some substitution action.”
“Okay, so we’ve got the integral of 1/4 ds...what’s ds?”
“You see a ds and you gotta think arc length, the arc length of a circle whether it’s green or purple is 2pi times the radius--”
“Always pi..” Kenny’s eyes grew distant. Marshall had to clap in front of his roommate’s face to get his attention.
“Snap back to reality, let gravity take you to the reality of the xy plane, it’s plain as rain.”
“Oh, right...yes, so if the integral of 1ds is 4pi, then the integral o 1/8ds is 4pi/8, which is just pi/2!”
“You got it man, you just gotta think about it.”
“Wow Marshall, you’re the man!”
“Thanks, I try.”
“So let’s recap: F is force, n is <x,y>/radius, and ds is the differential of arc length, which is 2pi(radius).”
“And I’ll look for opportunities for substitution.”
“Right.”
“But Marshall, there’s no substitution for everything in life. I mean, I could say, go to Tigertown this weekend, or I could stay here at CanTech inside this bubble...”
“Yeah, or you could go see what the real world is all about.”
“The real world is in flux, Marshall.”
“I think your bubble’s burstin,’ but the worst is never knowin’ if the flowin’ of the times can bring back the person you once were.”
“You know, I think I’m starting to like your stuff. You should put out a CD or something.”
“Thanks, I think will. Now grab a ticket to Tigertown and get that pi girl.”