Chapter Twenty-Six: The Girl Named Lizanya
by Liz
Fighting fractions by moonlight
Challenging teachers by daylight
Reading Shakespeare at midnight
She is the one named Sailor Pi
She would never forget a math operation
Or the rules of heat condensation
Pi is the symbol for a new generation
She is the one named Sailor Pi
She is the one named Sailor Pi
She is the one
Sailor Pi!
"Welcome to the 15th annual math fair," droaned Mrs. Secant, "In just a moment, we will have our contestants present their projects and their theories."
"Who's the girl with the purple hair and the Quebecia cap?" Mr. Crowlie, the 10th grade math teacher, whispered to Mr. MacFarlany.
"You'll see in a second," he whispered back.
"First, let's have our participants introduce themselves," Mrs. Secant said into the microphone. The first girl stood up.
"My name is Bizzie Lizzie and I--"
"YOU'RE NOT BIZZIE LIZZIE!" shouted the audience.
"Ahem, my name is Frizzy Fizzy Dizzy Bizzie Lizzie and I--"
"YOU'RE NOT FRIZZY FIZZY DIZZY BIZZIE LIZZIE!" they shouted.
"She had frizzy red hair!" shouted someone.
"And a fizzy personality!"
"And a dizzy manner!"
"And she's always so busy!"
"She's too paranoid to tell anyone that her last name isn't Lizzie!" This was all angering the girl quite a lot.
"I'm sorry, you didn't hear me correctly," she said into the microphone, "My name is Lizanya Bizziana and I'm from Quebecia, Ontario. I enjoy..." She quickly thought of things that did not appeal to her in the least. "I enjoy playing lacross, running, going outside in the springtime, and wearing stiff blue jeans." The crowd murmered in approval. Lizanya Bizziana sat down.
"Meow," said the next contestant.
"Would you please state your name and hobbies?" Mrs. Secant asked the furry creature sitting next to Lizanya.
"Meow meow meow Meow Meow, meow meow meow meow Meow Meow, Meowmeowia. Meow meow meow meow, meow, meow, meow meow." Mrs. Secant nodded.
"Next, please."
"We're winning!" cried Dr. Claw. Mad Cat's presentation had amazed the crowd, while the other presenters had left the audience staring into space.
"Yes," said Mad Agent #1, "We're doing quite well."
"But what about Bizzie Lizzie?" asked Mad Agent #2.
"She's powerless without her red hair," answered Mad Agent #1, "People don't even know who she is."
"What do you mean by powerless?"
"She'll forget everything that she was going to say and look like a fool."
"Cool!"
"Look at her! She's so sleepy, she doesn't even know where she is!"
"Shhhh! Lizanya Bizziana's up next."
"Achoo!" cried Lizanya. She had been sneezing throughout the entire math fair. Her eyes and nose were bright red. She couldn't even breathe out of her nose, and had been sucking on mint chews for the past hour.
"What's wrong with Bizzie?" Arpi whispered to Jeff.
"Who knows!" he whispered back, "Maybe she's been too busy."
"Well, duh, it is her name!"
"Our last and final contestant will be..." Mrs. Secant looked at her sheet. "Lizanya Bizziana." Lizanya Bizziana gathered the last of her strength and walked over to the microphone.
"I hope this isn't one of those 'I hate math so sue me' presentations" Mr. Crowlie whispered to Mr. MacFarlany.
"I have devoted the first 14 years of my life to the analysis of one number, and," she sniffled, "One number only." Her hair color was enough to attract the attention of the audience, as well as her obvious allergy. "There has been much speculation about this number, but nothing about it has been proven to the likeness of what I will show you today. I give you..." The audience gasped as Bizzie unvailed her poster. "The Greek letter pi."
"So, as you can see, at the 3,141,592,653rd digit of pi, it is as though you put a mirror up to the digits. The digits start repeating backwards, and if this pattern continues for the next 3,141,592,653 digits, the last three digits of pi should be 413." Lizanya Bizziana looked out at the audience. The row of people who made fun of her were asleep. The row of 12th graders who didn't even have to come to school anymore had their jaws wide open. The rest of the crowd just stared at her. "Thank you," she said softly into the microphone and sat down in her seat.
Mrs. Secant was the first person to clap.
A chain reaction was started. The people who were asleep woke up and they were clapping too.
"Go Bizzie!" yelled Arpi and Hanni.
"Yay, girl in the purple hair!" yelled Mr. Crowlie.
"Now, it's time to announce our winners," said Mrs. Secant. "2nd place prize goes to Mad Cat. And first place goes to...Lizanya Bizziana!" The audience went wild and started getting up to leave.
"NO!" boomed a voice, "That is my ribbon!"
"Sounds like trouble!" exclaimed Jeffy, "I'd better transform! Fire star power, make UP!" Music played as Jeffy turned into Sailor Fire.
"I wanna help too!" exclaimed Kenny, "Earth star power, make UP!" Fans of South Park would have appreciated Kenny's transformation song. "So Jeffy, now what?"
"Ummm....well...."
"Yeah?"
"We kind of, um, ya know..."
"Excuse me?" Just then there was a loud crash.
"Bizzie!" they cried.
"Hi guys, what'd you think of my presentation?"
"But Bizzie, Dr. Claw is after you!"
"Jeffy, I'm afraid you underestimate the powers of the pi."
"Suurrreeeee, Biz."
"So where are Hanni and Arpi?" Kenny looked around frantically.
"Oh, they're outside making sure that Dr. Claw was properly arrested."
"Arrested? What?"
"Duh!"
"No fight, no action?"
"As if. I swear, guys play too many computer games."
On to Chapter 27
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